Author: Presholives

It’s not because I think what you did was right; you were so wrong.

It’s not because you didn’t hurt me; you really did.

It’s not because I’m over the pain; I still cry when I think of you.

It’s not because I think you’re sorry; I’m pretty sure you still think you’re right and I’m the bully.

It’s not because I want to restore a relationship; I’d really rather claw my eyeballs out.

It’s not because you deserve it; you don’t.

It’s because I need to be free.

You haunt me, like I’ve never been haunted before. I think about you more than I think about the first boy to break my heart, more than I think about the friends who’ve left me, more than I think about my childhood shames.

When I think I’m happy, when I think I’m finally free and ready to move on, you come to me in a nightmare or a daydream. I see you walking into my school, my work, my church, my home, see you smile and feel myself crumble.

I get chills and my stomach flips and instantly I’m a scared teenager thinking she should die for everyone’s good. Thinking no one will ever love me. Thinking I don’t even deserve to be loved.

You hurt me, really hurt me. I trusted you and you betrayed that trust by treating me like crap, by trampling on me and tearing me down and calling me a monster.

You were supposed to protect me. You were supposed to love me like I was your own daughter. You were supposed to take care of me and make sure no one ever hurt me.

Instead, every word was a whip, every compliment a slap, every smile a lie.

I still ask myself why you chose me, what I did wrong, how I could have changed things, if I would have the scars I have if not for you.

I’m not free.

I’m trapped in an endless cycle of fear, anger, bitterness and self-hate.

The worst part is, I know what will set me free. I know how to move on, how to stop seeing your ghost and learn to smile.

I need to forgive you. I need to let you go. I need to take your memory and erase it from my mind and stop thinking about you. I need to stop hating you and just stop caring at all. I need to get to the place where if I saw you on the street I wouldn’t cry or scream or punch you, but would just keep walking.

I don’t need to smile at you, be your friend or say you weren’t wrong. I just need to forgive you.

I’m not there yet. I’m not ready to forgive you, because I’m still reeling from your attacks.

And just so you know: when I do forgive you, it’s not for you. It’s for me.

by Karis Rogerson

By Ella Ceron

 

I love my laugh. It’s my favorite thing about me.

(I know, in a society that values modesty above all other things, that’s not exactly something that you’re supposed to say. You’re not supposed to have favorite things about yourself; other people can have favorite things about you and give you compliments and you take them graciously, but you never admit that you agree. Well, I think that’s kind of silly, because if you love something about yourself, you should own it. But I digress.)

Someone once told me that my laugh is the kind of thing people know they’ve earned, that makes them feel good about themselves, because they feel like they were genuinely funny enough to earn such a reaction. It’s a loud laugh, because I’ve never been able to learn how to make it quieter and I’ve never bothered to try. I’ll giggle when I’m nervous — because I can never keep a straight face when I’m really freaked out — or I’ll text a polite ‘lol’ when I don’t know what else to say, but when I laugh, I laugh real. I think everyone should. Life’s too short for fake laughter when you find something really funny.

After all, why shouldn’t you react accordingly when you find something funny? I don’t mean the harmful-to-other-people, at-the-expense-of-others funny, but rather just flat-out humorous. And there are tons of scientific reasons why you should laugh – from stress relief, to combatting depression, to making yourself feel closer to the person with whom you’re laughing, to the fact that it works like a domino, and is bound to make people around you feel happier, too.

With the passing of Robin Williams and now Joan Rivers, and the untold number of tragedies that keep piling up this year alone, it feels sometimes like the world is growing a little darker, a little sadder, a little more cold. And though it always seems like there’s that paradox that the happiest people often put on a sort of sad clown act, making other people laugh to distract from their own demons, I don’t think that’s how people like Williams and Rivers (who had her own struggles, too) would like to be remembered. They made people laugh. They brought people together. They gave us moments of happiness in times that seemed especially bleak.

But when they’re gone, and things seem bleakbecause they’re gone, who makes us laugh?

Well, we do. We have to, if only to get through all that bleakness to the next bright spot, even if it feels like it might never come.

You have to believe it will, though. And you get there by laughing. Even if it feels false at first. But laugh at your own jokes (because I know there are moments when you say something that youthink is really funny, otherwise I’m a particularly narcissistic shade of lame for doing that myself) and laugh at the jokes your friends tell, and go out late at night and laugh about the things you did and said and strangers you flirted with the next morning. Make memories. Laugh until you cry. Make lame jokes and witty jokes, sarcastic one-liners and corny comments that make people look at you sideways. Laugh anyway. Laugh despite their looks. Laugh in spite of them.

Laugh every day if you can. Even if you feel sad. Even if some tragedy struck you. (Sometimes that’s when we need laughter most.) And don’t feel guilty for it, either. The people who love you would want you to be happy, and would want you to laugh. Surround yourself with people who you think are funny. Laugh honestly, and you’ll be surprised how many people will think you’re funny too, just by virtue of the fact that you’re laughing. And you’ll feel better. Even if it’s just for that night, about a joke you won’t remember five years from now, but you’ll remember how you felt and hopefully that was happy. Laughter brings happiness. And the world could always use more of that. 

Illness, indolence, inability or inebriation might have stymied your chances. Whatever the cause, your degree result was a disaster and you’ve spent the summer mourning what might have been. Now it’s time to stop panicking and work out how to launch your career on the back of a third. It will seem daunting: a survey by the Association of Graduate Recruiters found 78% of leading employers filter out the third of graduates who achieve less than a 2:1 and that 69 applicants are, on average, chasing each graduate job.

The good news is that statistics are misleading. Big companies can afford to be fastidious, but smaller ones are more likely to look beyond a grade and, even if your degree result is an embarrassment, experience, adaptability and personal charm can be effective currency. “Most students hear of graduate trainee schemes and a good degree is often required for these, but they make up only about 15% of the graduate job market,” says Saiyada Smith, careers adviser for The Careers Group, which counsels graduates and recruiters.

Lateral thinking could ease you into your preferred profession via a sideways route so long as you are realistic about status and salary. “In the financial sector a 2:1 or more is needed for front of office jobs, but you could get a lowlier position and work your way up,” says Smith. “Once you’ve got your foot through the door you can build up your skills and contacts and if you do well you’ll be favourably placed when jobs are advertised internally. Your degree result only really matters for your first job; after that it’s your professional achievements that count.”

Experience, be it voluntary work, hobbies or holiday jobs, will help mask your academic blip on your CV, so make sure you highlight any extracurricular activities and what you have learned from them, then set to work on a succinct but engaging covering letter that will reveal you as an enthusiastic team player. Send this to smaller companies and not only those who have advertised posts in the national press. Scour relevant trade magazines and company websites for openings or find a suitable contact within the company and send in your CV speculatively.

Flexibility is essential, according to Tanya de Grunwald, founder of independent careers website GraduateFog.co.uk. “It’s a myth that graduates must choose their career for the next 40 years the second they leave university. Now it’s all about navigating things as you go along, so consider fixed contracts or temp work as well as permanent jobs. If your grades aren’t great, your personality and work ethic will have to convince your employer – and it’s much easier to demonstrate these when you’re already in the building.”

If time goes by without result, you might consider taking on voluntary work or work experience in between sending applications, because employers distrust long gaps on a CV. It might also be time to reassess the situation. “If you’re getting nowhere chasing your ‘dream job’, ask yourself: ‘Is the universe trying to tell me something?’” says de Grunwald, “For example, if you were destined to be a high-flying management consultant, why didn’t you get the grades? Would you have continued to struggle with the hours of detailed study required of new starters? Is it possible that your ‘dream job’ might have made you miserable? Consider the idea that you might actually have dodged a bullet and start looking for something you might enjoy for the next 18 months. Suddenly, everything will feel much more doable.”

Online networking sites mean you can advertise yourself to potential employers. Many firms approach appealing-sounding personalities via cyberspace so compile a compelling Twitter profile, link it to your LinkedIn page, add hash tags to attract new followers and start tweeting knowledgably and entertainingly about your chosen industry. You can glean fodder from trade magazines and while you’re at it note down any useful names mentioned in articles and approach them by letter or email. If you discover that a society or association relevant to your line of interest is holding a public event, turn up and get chatting. Eventually you’re bound to meet someone who might help your cause.

However hard the struggle, don’t lose confidence in yourself because it will show. “Every applicant has an Achilles heel so don’t assume your rivals tick every box,” says de Grunwald. “Someone with a first from Cambridge might be really shy. Someone with lots of experience might have an abrasive personality. Play up everything else that you do have going for you, in order to make up for your less-than-amazing degree.”

Many are always confused when our Economists and their Statisticians come out to reel out figures about the potentials of Nigeria, one is tempted to ask, why the paradox about the entity called Nigeria? The world as a whole regard Nigeria as a rich Country, yet we are always at the bottom of all the economic indices ranging from GDP, Per Capita income, GNP, etc.

The Minister of Finance and the Nation’s economic team just re-based the Economy and what did we get? Hues and cry from analysts, pundits and the masses at large. Would you blame them? How can we be the 26th biggest economy in the world and yet Nigerians can’t afford the basic necessities of life? Our Per Capital income at less than three thousand dollars, still remain one of the lowest in the world. Why are there so plenty, yet so little? The President recently asserted that Nigeria is not poor but how to distribute the resources is the problem.

Nigeria is often referred to as the Giant of Africa due to its large population and economy. With 174 million people, shouldn’t our population be a plus?  It is also a MINT group of countries, a group that include Mexico, Indonesia, Nigeria and Turkey modeled after the famous BRICS of Nations by the renowned Economist Jim O’Neal.

Can we really compete with any of these Countries? Did someone say we are better off than this bunch of Countries at Independence? What now happen if I may ask? We are also listed among the next eleven economies to look out for. How long can we wait? Maybe until we all get perished by poverty. They say our land flow with milk and honey, yet the people of Nigeria are still bedeviled by stark poverty.

We are the eight biggest exporter of Petroleum, yet of all the Members nations of the Organization of Oil Exporting Country (OPEC), the Rate at which we purchase the same product remains the highest. It is ludicrous!

According to Waterhouse coppers, with a projected GDP of nearly US4 trillion by 2050, Nigeria is projected to be the 13th among the biggest economies, If it realizes it’s potential. Did I hear 2050? Are we not tired of the Statisticians and their projections? I think we have enough of these figures being thrown out us, all the people want are the basic. Come to think of it, Nigerians are very modest in their demands. Just provide water, modest hospitals, schools and most importantly electricity to power their small businesses. But really, what is responsible for this malady?  Is it leadership? Am I being rhetorical? Or is it the canker worm called Corruption?

Personally I think we cannot divorce this tag team from the challenges militating against the development of Nigeria. Leadership and corruption have been the bane of reaching its potential. Didn’t they say a Nation deserves the leaders they get? Do you agree? When the leaders even buttress the arguments being held by the same people that corruption is endemic and practically nothing is being done, then you would agree with me that we are in for a serious beating.
My conclusion is, we need serious prayers!!!!