Category: lifestyle

Overcoming shyness in 5 easy steps

Source: www.uncommonhelp.com

“I’ve always been shy! I hate the feeling of people’s attention suddenly turning on me!” Despairingly, she told me she’d reached a point in her life where she wanted to stop worrying what others might think so she could meet new people and openly voice her ideas.

Her shyness was typical: Fear of meeting new people, lack of self-confidence, self-consciousness, and feeling by turns ‘invisible’ or all too visible. But she now reckons she has got rid of 95% of her shyness.

I’d like to share with you some of the tips and techniques I used to help her.

So to kick us off, I want you to think about where you put your attention…

1) Focus outwards, away from your shyness

Shyness makes us self-absorbed. This is descriptive, not judgemental. Shy people can feel they have ‘nothing to say’, that they should have amazing stories to tell and be the life and soul of the party. But consider this:

People love you when you find theminteresting. Overcoming shyness isn’t about suddenly thinking you’re great. It’s more about forgetting yourself and focusing outward.

Ask questions and cultivate genuine curiosity. If you are at a party with strangers, try to connect how everyone knows each other. You can ask questions such as: “How do you know Kathy?” (if Kathy is throwing the party J) or: “I live next door. Are you one of Kathy’s tennis friends?” This:

Gives you something to talk about.Gives other people a chance to talk about themselves (for which they will love you).Takes your attention off yourself.

Until shyness fades more completely, the next tip will also help you out.

2) Prepare properly

Once shyness has gone you won’t need to do this; but whilst you still feel shy, practice preparing topics of conversation. If you have an idea of the type of people that are going to be at a gathering, then do a little homework. If many of them are sailing enthusiasts, for instance: Google the local sailing club, find out local sailing routes, prepare a few questions to ask about sailing.

If you feel shy at work, look out for interesting news items over the weekend and bring them into conversation on Monday.

Get into the habit of remembering what people have told you and referring back to it as future conversation starters: “Hey John, you know you were saying you wanted to see that film? Well I saw last night that it’s now playing at The Nomoorshyness Cinema!” or: “Jane, you were telling me that your daughter loves the circus; apparently there is a circus coming to town next week…”

But overcoming shyness isn’t just about talking more.

3) Send the right signals

Shy people are often misdiagnosed as unfriendly, aloof, or ‘stuck up’. Shyness can make us look unapproachable.

Research has found that we find people who smile and look directly at us more attractive (1). And people are 86% more likely to strike up conversations with strangers in the street if they are smiling.

Another benefit is that smiling even when you don’t feel like it actually makes you feel better – which can lead to real smiling. 🙂

An important point here: If you smile at someone and they don’t smile back, that is not your problem. We can’t make anyone accept our friendliness any more that we can make someone like us through sheer force.

4) Focus on putting other people at their ease

Working as a hypnotherapist I’ve seen so many clients who suffered from arachnophobia – fear of spiders. The trouble was, I had a fear of spiders myself! But rather than working on myself directly, I found that working to lift other people’s fear magically lifted my own.

The point here is that by focusing on putting other people at their ease, you’ll find that youfeel much more comfortable. Notice who seems a little more diffident or anxious and work to help them feel more relaxed.

5) Learn to manage anxiety

Shyness is really a type of social anxiety. Manage your anxiety by:

Making your out-breath longer than your in-breath. Extending the out-breath begins to relax body and mind very quickly. Once you feel more relaxed, you instantly feel more sociable.Rehearse being confident. Mentally rehearsing being more outgoing and relaxed has amazing results. Lie down somewhere comfortable, focus on breathing deeply and slowly, and imagine watching yourself in the upcoming social situation looking relaxed, comfortable, and even talkative. You’ll be amazed how this ‘self-hypnotic’ preparation will affect the way you actually feel when you get there.

18th June 2016
Time management; the key to being successful.

What the Most Successful People Do before Breakfast is a fun and practical guide that will inspire you to rethink your morning routine and jump-start your life before the day has even begun. Laura poled 20 executives, in which 90% said that “getting up before 6 am is good”. They even told what their priorities are after they get up.

Let’s look at how they start their morning and what most of the successful people of the world do first after they get up.

Mornings hold the key to taking control of our schedules.

If we use mornings wisely, we can build habits that will allow us to lead happier, more productive lives.

While many of us are still in bed, some folks are scoring daily victories to improve their health, careers, and personal lives without sacrificing their sanity.

Every successful man in this world understands the importance of time. This is the only reason they get up early. Once they are up early, they have a few extra hours to contemplate before the day begins.

Drawing on real-life anecdotes and scientific research that shows why the early hours of the day are so important, Laura Vanderkam reveals how successful people use mornings to help them accomplish things that are often impossible to take care of later in the day.

10th June 2016
INTERVIEW WITH AN AWARD WINNING LIFESTYLE BLOGGER- ELIZABETH T PETERS

She is more than just a lifestyle blogger, she is a package of talents. I got to know a lot more about this young lady who of course was quite expository on all about herself.

“every disappointment should not be treated as the end of the road, sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel just seems a little dim from one angle, so you have to change your view point to see it” – Elizabeth T Peters

Can you tell the readers about yourself and your blog?

Well, my name is Elizabeth T Peters and I’m a lifestyle blogger(ElizabethTPeters.com) Event planner Bowen Next Top Model being my most recent show and a medical student at Bowen University Teaching Hospital. I also own a growing clothing line which I am very proud of.

ElizabethTpeters.com is a lifestyle blog meaning it is very versatile; posts can range from day to day issues to advertising worthy products and services. I also am open to new writers – both columnists and feature writers, #ETPBlog is a platform for people’s voices to be heard.

Describe how you first got into blogging?

I actually went through a painful experience of backstabbing which unearthed raw emotions and when I’m emotional I release by writing. After I wrote the piece and a few friends read it they encouraged me to put it online and so that was how my blog was birthed! People connected to the posts and so I continued writing, the rest is history haha.

How do you manage Medicine and surgery and your blog efficiently?

I balance my tedious course by keeping my own posts to just once a week. Other posts are by other columnists or feature writers so I don’t actually spend that much time blogging. Besides, writing comes to me naturally so I can literally write three posts one day and just upload them gradually over three weeks.
When something is your passion, the time for it will be created naturally.

What was your greatest failure and what did you learn from that?

When I first applied for medicine and surgery and was unsuccessful I was rather downhearted but I went on to study biomedical sciences (at the University of East London) and worked hard to have great grades and so was able to re-apply as a transfer student and I got not one or two but FOUR offers for medicine and surgery between two continents!

I learnt that not every disappointment should be treated as the end of the road, sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel just seems a little dim from one angle, so you have to change your view point to see it.

Tell us about your best achievement?

Oh it would have to be becoming a born again Christian. Growing up in a Christian household can make you think you’re Christian by default but when you have your own personal experience of God; it’s truly life changing.

Who has impacted you most in blogging and how?

I don’t know the “owner” per se, but I really like TheNakedConvos.com – they have so many contributors and the variety in points of views and writing styles amidst their writers is beautiful.

What is your greatest achievement outside of blogging?

Surviving this long in medical school! Haha light joke, I’d say being a source of inspiration to other people; that’s something that can’t be bought and thus I value it greatly.

What do you do in your spare time?
Read (both academical and non-academical books), write, plan (be it what I’m doing tomorrow or in five years time) and generally relax – life is strenuous enough as it is!

Where would you like to be in blogging five years from now?

I’d like to be a renowned name in the blogosphere and be flown from city to city giving speeches and holding workshops. I’d love to be a TED Speaker!

Can you name some of your favourite bloggers and explain why they are your favourites?

As earlier stated, TheNakedConvos.com for the same reasons, ThePreciousPlace.wordpress.com &Nckan.wordpress.com – their writing is simply beautiful.

What can you say about your blogging Journey so far?

It has been an interesting ride; one which I’ve learnt from constantly, I feel like my blog has been growing with me and I love it.

What’s your advice to the upcoming bloggers?

My advice would be to remain consistent; know your niche and own it!

ElizabethTPeters.com

SEE MORE PICTURES OF ELIZABETH T PETERS

6th June 2016
Essential Behaviors Of People Who Positively Impact The World

Look around you and you’ll see three kinds of people

– those who hate their work, and complain bitterly

-those who just tolerate their work and see it as a paycheck and aren’t looking for more (or feel they can’t have more).

-and finally, those who love their work, and relish it. The third category is a small subset of all professionals globally, but this group stands out because these are, most often, the people who change the world for the better.

It’s critical to note that people who’ve made a real difference aren’t all privileged, advantaged or “special” by any stretch. Many come from disadvantaged families, crushing circumstances and initially limited capabilities, but have found ways to pick themselves up and rise above their circumstances (and their genes) to transform their own lives and those around them.

The behaviors of people who positively impact the world are:

Thousands of people today don’t believe in meaning and purpose as something to discover or pursue in life. And others believe in a life purpose but won’t take the risk to identify or honor it. Those with positive influence feel otherwise. They have found that there is a purpose to their life, and that purpose usually involves some aspect of turning their “mess into a message,” or using what they’ve learned (often the hard way) as a means of being of service to others. People with a sense of purpose are driven, focused, committed, and lit up from the inside – unable to be deterred or distracted from what they believe is the reason they’re on this planet at this time. This sense of meaning and purpose gives them inexhaustible drive and offers guideposts to follow along the path. It informs them of what they wish to attend to in life, and what they need to walk away from because it doesn’t support their higher purpose.

They commit to continually bettering themselves.

People who impact the world for the better know that they are not perfect. They understand how their knowledge isn’t “complete” – there are always gaps, biases, limitations and prejudices, and new places to go with their expertise.

Yes, there are powerful narcissists aplenty, but their influence isn’t positive or helpful in the long run – it’s damaging and destructive. Innovators who positively shape the world come from a “beginner’s mind” and a loving, compassionate heart – with an openness to see, learn, and experience new things on the way to being a better servant of the world.

They engage with people in open, mutually-beneficial ways.

Those with huge positive influence understand the power of relationships, connection, and engaging with the world openly. They’re not afraid to get “out there” – connecting with others, sharing their knowledge and talents, offering their authentic and often contrarian viewpoints and opinions. They’ve pushed beyond any introversion, shyness or reluctance to be who they are, and have learned how to relate well with others and build mutually-supportive relationships that catapult both parties to a higher level. They know that positive, supportive and authentic relationships are the foundational building blocks to anything and everything they want to achieve.

They invest time and energy not in what is, but what can be.

The people I’ve interacted with and interviewed who’ve made a positive impact in the world don’t settle for conformity. When they see something that agitates and disturbs them, they strive to know more, get to the root of the issue, research and understand the contributing factors, and arrive at new solutions. They observe gaps and mistakes in common thinking and behavior, and trust themselves in their belief that it’s time to push the boundaries of what’s accepted. They want to affect change because they believe change will bring a better way to live.

They spread what they know.

We’ve all met authors or “experts” who keep their knowledge secret, close to the vest. They’re afraid to let it out for fear someone will steal it or make money on their ideas. This is the opposite of the positive influencer’s mindset. Those who make a true positive difference can’t help but share and teach what they’ve learned. They don’t see their knowledge as just some commodity to sell, as a meal ticket or a money maker – they see it as information that has to be shared with the world for its betterment. They believe their ideas and innovations are of use and value to others, and can’t help but share those openly, and teach others what they’ve learned. They live the universal principle – “the more you give, the more you get.”

They uplift others as they ascend.

You’ve experienced, as I have, scores of “leaders” and high-achievers who’ve gotten where they are by stepping on the heads and backs of those in the way. These are not true leaders or influencers because their power is a sham – it was obtained unethically and is shallow and weak, and can’t be sustained over the long haul. I have encountered power-mongers who were crushing and cruel to their subordinates and I wondered when they would finally reap what they’ve sown. Over the long term, this day always comes.

On the other hand, people who positively impact the world not only obtain amazing results in their work, but their process of obtaining these results – how they operate in life — is also inspiring and uplifting. They are happy to help and support others, and have an overflow of positive energy that enriches the lives of everyone they work with and connect with. These positive influencers want others to grow. They walk away from “success-building” opportunities that will be hurtful and damaging to others. They know that those unethical, demeaning or destructive approaches go against the very meaning and purpose they’re committed to.

They view the journey as the goal.

Positive influencers don’t take short cuts or go for the quick buck or easy answer. They don’t view some arbitrary goal or outcome as a destination, because they believe there is no end – it’s all in the journey. It’s about what they’re learning, experiencing, and building that helps others, and for that, there is no defined end point. They embrace failure more readily than others as “information” that guides them. They are more fluid and flexible, and more open to the “how’s” because their ultimate goal is not about upholding their title, income, reputation, stature or power, but about new ways to help and share what they know.

Are you longing to make a positive impact in the world? If so, do these behaviors match your own? How are they different?

1st June 2016
Make that relationship work!

MAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK

Sitting on the couch, watching a break up scene from a movie, a lot went through my mind,and I asked these questions: why do people break up? Why don’t relationship last? Why do couples have difficulties in making things work out?…..as I thought,I began to find answers to my many questions,I began to see the reasons behind everything.

~~ I realised that People don’t just break up,there’s always a reason for everything on earth. I also realised that,nothing on planet earth can be made perfect and only the creator is perfect. So this also implies that, we can never get a perfect someone,so why not sit down and work things out between that person and stop complaining. Make things work!

~~ First you need to sit down and think matured thoughts,we should try to blow cold whenever the other person blows hot. Blowing hot at the same time wouldn’t solve the argument.
Understand that your lover is not perfect,we grow and learn everyday. Correct when you need to correct and also listen to corrections from the other person and not act as if you’re the boss. Playing the game of I’m the boss will never make things work. Respect yourself first before asking to be respected. Most times,we ruin our relationships ourselves. Understanding one another matters a lot. Love is the bedrock of every relationship,love signifies oneness. Love is very essential here!

~~ Trying something new also does the trick. Sometimes same old regular routine creates a dull atmosphere why not bring up new ideas to keep the fire burning! Make everyday a special one for your special someone and always try to treat them right,and never make them regret giving you their heart!

– By Presh Olives

28th May 2016