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Thanks to Tiger Woods’ online statement, it is now clear that he has indeed been unfaithful to his wife of 5 years, Elin Nordegren. He joins the infamous list of famous men who have cheated on partners that are, by outward standards, quite beautiful  Kobe Bryant, Hugh Grant, Eric Benet (Halle Berry’s former hubby)  with women that are, well, of questionable repute.

Most men seem to think that if they can find a woman who is attractive enough, they will never stray. This is one of the many drivers of the male animal’s search for a very attractive mate, but clearly that idea has some problems.

The fact that famous and successful man after man is willing to burn down his marriage and career for the pleasures of an affair raises a variety of interesting questions about human behavior. Why do they do it, when they seem to have everything at home?

Here are some theories:

1.    A powerful man who has the opportunity is a good candidate to cheat. Their wife’s attractiveness has nothing to do with it.
2.    This just proves that trying to find the most attractive mate is a silly exercise. Once the marriage gets going, how attractive the people are has no bearing on how happy, sad, honest or faithful they will be.
3.     No woman can be beautiful enough to keep a man faithful. There has to be something else at play to have him remain fully committed to the relationship.
4.    As Chris Rock said, “Men are as faithful as their options. If they have no opportunity to cheat, they won’t.”

Discussing the “quality” of a human being is odd. We all know, for instance, that there is a difference in the grace and bearing of Nelson Mandela as opposed to Steve O. from the TV show Jackass. It also feels judgmental and strange to write about it. Clearly this isn’t some kind of endemic quality – Steve O. could begin to act like Nelson Mandela tomorrow if he wanted to, and vice versa. But the way each man chooses to act, dress and conduct his affairs allows us to draw some broad generalizations about the level of class he has.

When you compare the “quality” of the wives with that of the mistresses there is a noticeable gap. Is this because…

A.    The women who are willing to cheat with a married man are often less classy?
B.    Men want wives that are upstanding and wholesome, but mistresses that are down and dirty?
C.    The best place to find a mistress is in a place where less classy women hang out?

In the end, Tiger joins the club of shame — disappointing millions of fans, risking his family and likely losing tens of millions of dollars in endorsements. It’s worth wondering how a man who is hounded by the paparazzi would ever think that he could keep an extra-marital affair secret. Doesn’t he know the day it begins that it’s going to end up in USMagazine and The Drudge Report?

We’d love to hear your comments on this story

Can your expectations of a relationship affect how satisfied you are with it? If you have high standards, are you more likely to be disappointed? Or can having high standards be a motivator to make your relationship stronger?

A long-term study of recently married couples tested this question, to see how a person’s standards affect their relationship satisfaction [1]. It turns out that it all depends on how happy you are to begin with.

The results depended on whether or not there were existing problems in the relationships. Those with fewer problems were more likely to get good results from having high standards. Those with more problems were more likely to find their high standards causing further problems.

Newly married couples were asked to rate their relationship satisfaction early on, and then again four years later. They were also quizzed about their standards, and on how important certain relationship factors were to them. These factors included communication, trust, sex, affection, and money management.

Those who expressed some relationship dissatisfaction at the start were more likely to take a hit from having high expectations. Those who were happiest went on to feel the most benefit from having higher standards.

These results suggest that, as long as you start out on the right footing, having high expectations can be a source of motivation in maintaining a positive relationship. Whereas, if there are already some problems rooted in the relationship, having higher standards can develop into further problems.

This might seem logical – the higher your standards are, the harder it is to meet them. However, this study shows that, at least where relationships are concerned, it’s your ability to meet expectations that affects what kind of an impact they have on you. If you have the capacity to grow, you’ll benefit from having high standards. If you don’t, you may suffer.

So, if you’re struggling, there are two things you can do either lower your expectations a little, until you feel better able to manage, or seek some support to help strengthen your relationship.

If you do sense that there are problems, even if they’re only little ones, seeking help from a professional relationship counsellor can help prevent them from growing into something bigger and allow you to deal with them while they are still small.

Nnamdi has been dating Amaka for about three years now and pressure is mounting on for them to take the relationship to the next level. Nnamdi is approaching his mid-thirties and Amaka is also not getting any younger making time not exactly their friend. Their respective parents are also mounting pressure and do not understand why their children would not just get married soon enough.

Unknown to either parents, Nnamdi and Amaka have a major stumbling block. Apart from being career focused individuals they also believe more importantly that their combined salary is not enough for them to build a home and at the same time pursue their career objectives.

Many of us fall into this trap at some point in our life and if not handled carefully can lead to serious emotional and financial distress. How does one get married without enough money? I will attempt to respond by addressing some of the common excuses we give.

I can’t afford wedding “ceremoney” – The thought of preparing for a wedding ceremony is one that scares many off early marriages. Most people consider it a very special event and believe the only way to live a lasting memory is to splurge on it. Having a memorable wedding is important for everyone however, not everyone can afford an expensive and memorable wedding. With proper planning you can have a cheap and memorable wedding as well.

Wedding ceremony shouldn’t be seen as a do or die affair as all you have to do is spend what you can afford. What you should realise is that at the end of the day it’s about you and your spouse being happily married thereafter and not about the drinks, food and the pageantry that comes with the ceremony. There will be many, many more opportunities to be merry with friends and family.

Where will we live after we get married? –My friend, Victor once told me he got married to his wife when he was still living in a one bedroom flat. After the wedding, they came back home to their one room apartment happier than they could ever imagine. I asked him why and he said the thought of them spending the night together forever was all they wished for and could as well have lived in the car if that’s what it will take. The point here is that you need not live in a three bedroom or four bedroom apartment to get married. You could even have just married and still living in your parent’s apartment provided you are both focused on the goal.

Just have it at the back of your mind that this is only temporary as experience has shown that finances do improve more frequently after marriage. If you both work hard and remain steadfast you will soon move to an apartment befitting of your status.

I haven’t bought a car yet? – A younger friend once told me he could never get married before buying a car. He just did not see him and his wife walking together to the bus stop to take a bus ride to work. I could understand his point of view and only hoped that it was more of a challenge for him than a principle. If I were him, owning a car will probably be tops on my priority also.

However, while owning a car is very important in a marriage there are no rules barring one from buying it after marriage. A car and married to the person you love are both mutually exclusive and because you do not have the funds to buy the car yet, does not mean you won’t have it soon after your wedding. It really boils down to your priorities and how they align to your goals. If your goal is to settle down then owning a car can’t be prioritized over marriage.

We can’t afford to raise a baby – Having babies soon after marriage is a blessing every newlywed seeks. What other way to fortify the union that you both have. However, there is also no rule saying you must have children immediately after marriage. If you and your spouse believe you are not ready financially to take care of children then you can as well abstain from doing so too in marriage. You just have to prioritise like I mentioned early. With careful financial planning and the help of God nothing stops you from having children and being able to care for them as you wish.

I can’t pay the bills – First thing you have to realise is that marriage these days is as much a spiritual union as it is a financial union. I don’t believe the modern marriage works any longer with one breadwinner as you and your spouse both have a role to play financially.

This is no more important than when it comes to sharing bills which ironically becomes even easier in marriage. You no longer need to pay for separate light bills, internet bills, water bills, rent etc. So, this in fact is a plus in marriage than it is outside marriage.

Finally, while money is important to living a happily married life, it need not come before marriage. First, find the right partner, get married and focus on working hard so the money and blessings keeps coming. After all, a man who finds a good wife finds a good thing.

Source: Punch